A change is gonna come…

Oh my, so this is blogdom!  This is a giant leap for me as I am one of the few remaining stragglers yet to have thrown themselves out into the wild wide web for all to see.  It feels uncomfortable using my real identity here.  I feel as though I should hide for fear of repercussions of my words.  Is this normal?  Is this a generational thing I’m feeling?  I want to be open and honest; however, when I am on the verge of my second divorce, I feel completely paranoid and vulnerable.

With my fear locked up for a moment and a few deep breaths, I want to say that my intention here is to write through my next journey in life and also to share my past lessons learned.  So, here I stand on the precipice of a new journey.  Will I stay within my safety net, or will I take yet another leap of faith?  I don’t know.  I’m scared.  I’m excited.  I’m chicken shit!  I’m incredibly strong.  Depends on every minute of every single day and it can be exhausting.

At the end of last year, I had an internal meltdown.  I literally felt a surge of unleashed energy driving me to make a change for my own self-preservation.  Two issues…I no longer enjoyed my work and my second husband and I were at each others throats!  One in itself would be challenging but there I was, wanting yet again, a clean slate.  It’s not that I’m a runner; the issue is that I start down a path of predictability.  I choose the the safe road that’s beautifully paved with no bumps and a clear view of what’s up ahead.  As I continue on this road, I realize, I’m on the wrong fucking road.  This is sooo boring!  I begin looking for trouble just to distract myself because I don’t know how to get off the road or I’m just too scared to throw myself out of a moving vehicle!

So this is where I am.  On a moving vehicle with the door open and one leg hanging out.  A change is gonna come…I hope you’ll join me.


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