Before my husband and I hang the phone, we always say, I love you. We will be divorced in June. We do genuinely love one another and yet we also know that we are better as friends. Maybe it’s our age and each of us already having one difficult divorce under our belt that has … More Better friends
Sometimes…sometimes after making a decision to do something because you can not live another moment without making that decision, you crack. Your nervous system goes on the fritz when the reality of your audible words set in; you scramble to undo it, to bring everything back to the way it was. To the safe place … More The Aftermath
Last night was rough. I tossed and turned, sweaty, achy and frustrated that my legs had little room to stretch with my cat hogging the bed. Normally, even this mild discomfort, would make my nervous system freak out! When I am uncomfortable, I’d normally go into panic and fix it mode. My form of control … More What if?
My little voice inside told me she would guide me. She was so loud and clear on what felt like my 99th dark night of the soul that there was no denying it. The impact was visceral and I reveled in the temporary reprieve it gave my nervous system. This reprieve allowed me to drop, … More Decisions, decisions, decisions…
I answered the call to Yellowstone and back. Back. That’s where I was in late 2020. Back home after the adventure of a lifetime trying to figure out what the hell it all meant. What was the purpose of that undeniable call just to be back in the same worn-out situation of my marriage? All … More The Muck and the Mire
I recently had a furniture repair man at the house. He asked me some questions and I told him that time wasn’t an issue because I wouldn’t be moving this piece until next year. He continued to ask me the same question and I said, “Like I said, I don’t need this for awhile.” He responded, … More I wasn’t really listening.
“I clung to anything different than the constant drone of my fears and a life of groundhog days.” “I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS!” That’s me flat on my back screaming with my arms and legs flailing about like a dying cockroach somewhere in the Pyrenees Mountains of France, or maybe Spain. I’m not sure I … More Redefining Adventure: Running Away to Healing
“It’s been over a decade since I ended my long-term affair yet I could feel the trauma of living that lie like it was happening right now.” I had a rare dream about James last night. Probably because he popped up in my email by some sort of spam from his contact list. What was … More Trauma and 13 Years Later
A few nights ago I laid in bed trying to read a book. My contacts/eyes are normally pretty dry by the end of the day so sometimes I have a hard time seeing the words clearly. Only a few feet from me sat my husband’s reading glasses. No, I thought, I am not succumbing to … More Reading Glasses and Surrender
If you’ve been following my story, you may be wondering what happened with the person that literally changed the course of my life. The time between the retreat, my divorce and a few years into being single, our relationship became fragmented, diluted. It’s not surprising as I had changed the playing field, thus the rules … More James